Trying to find a Job when You have Anxiety and Depression; Explained

You feel the pressure to get a job because money makes the world go round but you can barely even go to an interview without throwing up from the nerves or having a panic attack on the way there. Phones are the devil and you do all you can to avoid them and most jobs involve people which is where you struggle the most. You're not unintelligent or incapable, you just struggle with people. Your friends begin to think you're lazy and just cant be bothered so you force yourself to apply and through endless rejections that only bring you down even more. All applications say they want outgoing people, which you are definitely not. You try to imagine yourself working in these places and see yourself screwing it up and so you wonder how you'll ever do it.

You see your friends working and moving out. Living their lives, working their way up while you're stuck sitting still. Your boyfriend works and you feel ashamed every time he pays for something for you. You can barely look him in the eye when you withdraw money that you did not earn. And he says he understands and he doesn't mind but surely he must to see you doing nothing and getting money.

You wish you were working, like most other people. But your mind has you trapped and no matter how hard you keep trying it always pulls you back in. Makes you feel worse about yourself because you cant do it, like a continuous circle of self-doubt. You just want to be normal, be able to get a job and work hard, move out, buy a car. It gets you down and people say "Just do it then." but how do you do that when your own mind wont let you?

- Claire

Book Haul

So today I was out with my mum and my grandparents which means we went in a few charity shops. This means I got some books, so I thought I'd share with you what I got.

First of all there is Hold Back the Stars by Katie Khan which I hadn't heard of before I saw it but the title intrigued me and the blurb even more so. It seems to be about two people in love who live in space alone. I'm not really sure but it sounds interesting and I'm a sucker for a love story.

Then there's Hotel Valhalla by Rick Riordan which is a Magnus Chase companion book. I will admit I haven't read Magnus chase yet but I plan to in the not too distant future and it was £1 so I couldn't resist.

Next is The Shock of the Fall by Nathan Filer which has been on my amazon wishlist for a while and as soon as I saw it in the charity shop I had to buy it. I'm not entirely sure what it's about but the blurb just intrigued me so much. "I'll tell you what happened because its a good way to introduce my brother. His name' Simon. I think you're going to like him. But in a couple of pages he'l be dead. And he was never the same after that."

I found a David Levithan book in a charity shop! I didn't even have to think for a second before getting this. I have a few books by him already and this one is Boy Meets Boy which I don't know much about. I love the books of his that I have read and I look forward to reading this too.

Then there's A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness. I can never resist a fantasy book, anything with witches or vampires or werewolves and I feel a need to own it. And apparently this one has witches, demons and vampires and of course a forbidden love. I'm excited to read it!

Finally, I am Pilgrim by Terry Hayes. Another book on my amazon wishlist I can now tick off. It's a thriller and I don't own many thrillers but this one was so hyped about when I came out so I had to get it. I'm actually so tempted to start it right now but I have to finish my other book first!

So that was my little haul, I only got six so I done well. I now have to find room for them somewhere!

- Claire

Revolution Cosmetics Advent Calendar

I'm going to start this off by saying that I actually won the Revolution beauty advent calendar on Instagram. So this is not something I just went out a bought myself, although I am a huge fan of beauty advent calendars I had to cut back this year sadly. But I was really excited when I received this in the post and I thought that since we're now a week into December I would give you my first impressions of this calendar. I'd also like to point out how amazing TAM beauty were with the order as they apologised for the delay due to black Friday and sent me a free item to make up for it! Now onto the actual Revolution beauty advent calendar..

 First of all "25 full size products" hell yeah! I hate it when these beauty advent calendars only have sample size products. Also 25 not 12 or 24 but 25 which is always great. The calendar itself is pretty big but that's to be expected since its got 25 full size products inside. I'm not going to talk about every single product I've got so far individually, I just want to give you the general gist of the quality of it.

Okay, inside a couple of the windows so far there have been makeup brushes, and though they are smaller brushes they are amazing quality. Since they're small I shall be putting mine inside my makeup bag which goes inside my bag. So they're going to be really handy when I'm out and about. Most of the products have been pretty easy to get out, I've struggled in that area before with beauty advent calendars, although as you can see in the picture there's no easy starting point to open the window which can make it a bit more difficult.

This is probably the only product so far that I'm not sure if I'd use, simply because of the colour. I am not a big fan of bright pink lipsticks. However there was another one of these in a lovely nude colour which I love and have been using often so I guess a variety of colour doesn't hurt. Its all about personal taste I guess. The pigment is good and they've got a nice texture and don't leave your lips all dry so I'm quite pleased.

This is possibly my favourite product so far, along with the strobe balm. This is the baked blush which looks so nice and the colour is amazing. I haven't actually used this yet as its from todays window but I am looking forward to using it very much. I mentioned the strobe balm which is also amazing and I have also gotten an anti shine balm.

Overall I am really pleased with the products I've gotten so far and I'm really excited to see what else I get, I definitely recommend this beauty advent calendar as its not overly priced and has amazing products!

Claire xoxo

Tarte Grav3yardgirl Swamp Queen Palette

I am a huge fan of grav3yardgirl aka Bunny and as someone whos been watching her videos for years as soon as I heard she had collaborated with Tarte I was so excited. So obviously I got the palette which I'm now going to talk about.

First of all look how pretty it is! I love the quote at the top "Believe in yourself, love yourself, embrace your individuality" which is very Bunny. As you can see there are 9 eyeshadow shades and 3 cheek shades. The brush is also very good which I'm pleased about because lets face it you can never have too many makeup brushes! I have used the blush at the top, sweet tea, as more of a bronzer because I'm quite pale and it looked really nice. The middle one, does this thing really work?, is such a pretty blusher shade and gator wings makes a really nice highlighter.

The eyeshadows are such lovely colours, I have yet to use all of them but I have done a day look using #SFS, haunting, mancat, uncommon and big baby. It looked amazing, the colours were so pigmented and blended together nicely and I wish I had of taken a photo but unfortunately I had to go out so I didn't have time. I cannot wait to try more looks with this amazing palette, I highly recommend it.

Claire xoxo

October TBR

October means Halloween so I tried to add some spooky books to my TBR this month. I've not done much reading recently, but I'm planning on getting myself back on a roll again. So here is my spooktacular October TBR!

 

First of all I have The Vampire's Assistant by Darren Shan. This is the second book in the cirque du freak series and I'm very excited to read it. It's also a very short book so it shouldn't take me long to finish. It's about a boy who becomes a half-vampire and must serve as the assistant to an old vampire. You may have seen the film! 

   

The second book in my October TBR is The Witch's Kiss by Katharine & Elizabeth Corr. I picked this up the other day because I thought it sounded good, it was the "some fairy tales are darker than others" part that got me. From what I gather it's about a teenage witch who falls in love with a guy who's part of an old curse. I added this to my October TBR because I thought it was the perfect Halloween book.

Next is Dead Until Dark by Charlaine Harris. I'm sure you've all heard of True Blood, this is the first book in the series. I enjoyed the show a lot and I'm looking forward to seeing how the books are. Another good one for the Halloween month.

Then we have A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness. An obvious choice for this month. Its about a boy who keeps having the same dream until he wakes and there's something outside his window that wants the truth from him. I've heard many good things about this book and I'm sure it won't disappoint.

Cress by Marissa Meyer is actually the book I am currently reading. It's the third book in The Lunar Chronicles which is a collection of fairy tale retellings but with cyborgs and aliens. It's one of my favourite series' so far, I cannot wait to finish this book!

Finally, The Bronze Key by Holly Black & Cassandra Clare. This is the third book in the Magisterium series and I loved the first two. It reminds me a bit of Harry Potter but with different types of magic and a different plot. I look forward to finding out what happens with the amazing characters in this book. Anything by Cassandra Clare never disappoints me!

Claire xoxo

Updates on My Life

I haven't made a blog post in quite a while so therefore I have lots of updates for you all. I've been pretty busy the past few months and I have a lot of exciting news.

First of all I got accepted to college. I'm really excited about this, very scared too, but mostly excited. I will be starting my animal management course in September. Its a two year course and I already have my placement sorted so I'm one step ahead. I've been to their keep in touch day and it all looks really good. They have alpacas and six cafes which I was not expecting. I also met someone doing the same course as me so now when I go in September I wont be completely alone.

My second piece of news is that I have a boyfriend now. We've only been dating for a couple of months but he's really amazing. He's helped me get out more and made me laugh when I feel really rubbish which is what I've needed. I met him through a friend of mine who is also new to my life and has been so great helping me get out and about too. So I have a few new people in my life who have been brilliant and I'm so glad I met them.

I have finished all my counselling sessions now. I feel like I am free. I'm finally going out and having fun and living a normal life. Obviously there are so many people that have helped me get to where I am now and I can not thank them enough, they all know who they are. For the first time in a long time I feel like things are finally going right.

I've had lots of fun days out lately, some with my friends, family and with my boyfriend. Its been a really good few months. I went to the beach with my friends a couple of months ago, I went to the cinema with my boyfriend, went bowling with friends, met up for coffee with people I hadn't seen in quite some time. I've spent days out with the family and spent lots of days at the kennels volunteering.

The only bad thing really that's happened to me recently is smashing my iPhone screen. But I got it fixed today and so everything is good again. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster that only goes up!

Claire xoxo

Lady Midnight

Lady Midnight, book one of The Dark Artifices series by Cassandra Clare. Oh my god. It was amazing. I'm not biased on anything because Cassie is my fave. This may be a long post, I have a lot of feelings about this book.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!

First of all, Emma Carstairs is the best. I love me a good Carstairs *ahem*Jem*ahem* and Emma did not let me down. She is a bit (a lot) reckless and sassy. So much sass. I love how through the book she slowly realizes she has feelings for Julian and its so cute, but so sad. She lost her parents and she's all about the revenge, but she sees the Blackthorns as her family now. She used to have a crush on Mark and also Jace (tbh who wouldn't) and then she's like "Oh, I think I'm in love with Jules" which we all saw coming.

"I keep you around because I need an audience for my witty remarks." - Emma.
"What witty remarks?" - Julian.

They're so perfect for each other and I hate the clave but then there's the whole 'too much power' thing and I don't want them to suffer but either way they will. But Emma's going to use Mark to make Julian think that she doesn't love him and I just want to cry need them together. But they cant be together and its not fair and why did Mark say "Why lie?" like bitch that is your brother you're going to hurt. Just because you feel out of place because you were in the hunt does not mean you can date the girl your brother is in love with.

Anyway, on to Julian. Jules. What a perfect guy. He knew he loved Emma before she knew she loved him, so he had to suffer for longer. Poor baby. And now he's going to have to watch his brother date her, which was like his biggest fear. I want to give him a cuddle. He works so hard to keep his family together and look after them, he's probably the strongest character in the whole book. Plus, he had to kill his dad, even if it wasn't his dad anymore it still looked like him and he was 12. I think that's part of the reason he looks after the kids so much, because he was the one that killed their dad so he feels responsible. He's a cupcake and I don't want him to suffer anymore (he probably will though).

Okay, Mark. I do like Mark, mostly. Him and Kieran were so cute until Kieran pulled a dick move and now Mark hates him. Why do my ships always sink? I guess they ended up together because in the hunt they were all each other had. Which is sweet, until Kieran got Julian and Emma hurt. I know he just wanted Mark back but, what the hell was he thinking. Mark kind of needs to get his shit together. He's acting like he barely knows his family, but he's not making the effort to get to know them. And then he decides that hes going to date Emma like what the fuck? I thought you liked Cristina, but apparently you like anything that moves. But I do feel bad for him because he was forced into the hunt and then the clave decided to not rescue him and he comes back five years later and he doesn't even recognize his own brother. He's had it hard and I think he needs a hug too.

Ty is a cinnamon roll and I love his Sherlock references. He wants to be a detective which is adorable and he's so smart and it makes me feel dumb. I also kind of ship him with Kit, because Kit thought he was beautiful and Ty was sitting outside of his room. Plus their ship name would be kitty. How cute.

So Kit turned out to be the lost Herondale and I'd forgotten all about that until I found out it was him. I'm really glad it was him because I want to see more of his character. He shut himself in a room in the institute, but to be fair he just saw his father ripped in half by demons. Not really something you get over very quickly. He doesn't like shadowhunters, but I have a feeling Ty will change his mind, through friendship or maybe something more. Because Casssie said that we would be shocked by who Ty ends up with and Kit is the lost Herondale so maybe.

The storyline was brilliant, I didn't suspect Malcom until they said that Annabel was in love with a warlock and I thought it might be him even though the whole time he was supposedly helping them. It's nearly always someone you know. It was always about him wanting to bring back the woman he loved which was kind of sweet if he wasn't making murderers and killing people to do it. I think he went mad in his grief. I'm glad nobody I liked died, I hate it when that happens. But my ships were destroyed. Appart from Cristina and perfect Diego who are quite cute but I think Cristina also likes Mark but its all probably going to get very complicated soon.

I enjoyed the parts with the characters from TMI in it, Magnus and Alec have adopted children and I just oh my god its so cute my otp have a family I cant even love it. Simon and Clary are parabati, Simon and Izzy are engaged, so are Jace and Clary now and I am so happy. Thank you Cassandra Clare.

Over all 9.5/10. I really loved it and I highly recommend it to everyone.

Claire xoxo