Over the past few days I've had a bad cough and today I have lost my voice. This is bad because I have a Halloween party to go to tonight so I'm not going to try to talk for the next eight hours and I'm going to drink lots and do some steam inhalation to get my voice back. Hopefully I'll get it back for the party. That's not the point though. You see, losing my voice got me thinking about all the things we take for granted, like speaking for instance. I am one of those types of people who talk all the time, and way too much. I don't even think about talking, I'm never thinking "oh gosh talking is so amazing! I am so grateful I can talk!" Because talking is just something that most people can do and you just don't think anything of it. However, losing my voice has made me appreciate it a lot more.
There are lots of other things we all take for granted too. Like food, family, education, our homes. These things have always just been there and so we just assume that they always will be. We aren't grateful enough for them, even though some of them are key to our survival. We take them for granted. There are people out there who don't have some of these things. They don't take them for granted because they're things that these people don't have very often. We don't understand what it's like to not have enough food or have no education because these things come so easily to us.
I feel like I should be more grateful for the things I have. I wish everyone had what I have. It makes me sad to think of children starving to death in other countries while we sit here eating as much as we want.
Claire x
Thursday, 31 October 2013
Sunday, 27 October 2013
Sponsored Walk
On Friday, my whole school done a sponsored walk. None of us really had a choice, but we didn't mind too much. It was all good at first. Me and my friend Lish drew cat whiskers on our faces and I wore my llama hat (are we getting a theme here?) and it was all fun and games at first. However, after about three hours of walking, we all started to feel a little tired. I'm not even sure how long it took for us to walk it, but I do know that me and my friends were some of the last people to finish it. This may have been because our bus was one of the last busses to arrive or it may just be because we're lazy. By the end of it everyone's legs hurt and we were all moaning about it.
My arms also hurt. Now this was because in the morning me and my friend Amy decided that we would volunteer to help carry some computer monitors across the school, up the stairs and into the class room. It was perfectly fine until we saw the boys carrying two. Now, being a competitive person, I agreed with Amy to take two monitors. Turns out, we weren't really strong enough to carry two. Amy also decided that she would admit to the boys that we weren't strong enough. They laughed at us and one of them had to hold the doors open for us. To make it worse, my crush was one of the boys who had carried two and I looked like a weak pathetic little girl in front of him.
Overall Friday wasn't too bad I suppose. My legs still ache but I'm hoping they'll feel better soon. I'm off to a buffet at my grandparents soon, I hope you all have a lovely afternoon.
Claire :)
My arms also hurt. Now this was because in the morning me and my friend Amy decided that we would volunteer to help carry some computer monitors across the school, up the stairs and into the class room. It was perfectly fine until we saw the boys carrying two. Now, being a competitive person, I agreed with Amy to take two monitors. Turns out, we weren't really strong enough to carry two. Amy also decided that she would admit to the boys that we weren't strong enough. They laughed at us and one of them had to hold the doors open for us. To make it worse, my crush was one of the boys who had carried two and I looked like a weak pathetic little girl in front of him.
Overall Friday wasn't too bad I suppose. My legs still ache but I'm hoping they'll feel better soon. I'm off to a buffet at my grandparents soon, I hope you all have a lovely afternoon.
Claire :)
Halloween
I've been invited to a Halloween party this year and I'm quite looking forward to it. However, I have no idea what I am going to be for Halloween! I don't actually have a Halloween costume yet so I'm going to have to get something on Tuesday. I'm probably going to go for something simple as I'm not very rich but I'm going to try to look good. I'm a little worried about the party as I know there is going to be alcohol and I've never really got properly drunk before, but I'm hoping that my friends will make sure I don't drink too much. Obviously I won't be telling my parents that there will be alcohol because they're a bit protective of me.
As it's halloween, I have a half term which means I have a week off. I'm supposed to be going round my friend lish's tomorrow but first of all it depends on this storm that will be happening over night and secondly I'm really scared that I've caught another cold as I keep coughing. Hopefully everything will be ok and I'll go and see her tomorrow as planned. I'm going to the city with my mum and my sister on Tuesday. I'll be seeing my zero best friend and lots of my other friends on Wednesday, the Halloween party is on Thursday and apparently we'll all be crashing at Eddie's on Thursday night so I won't leave till Friday. This is going to be such a busy week. But it will be worth it. As long as I don't get ill.
I hope you all have a great Halloween, don't eat too many sweets! Have a nice day!
Claire :)
As it's halloween, I have a half term which means I have a week off. I'm supposed to be going round my friend lish's tomorrow but first of all it depends on this storm that will be happening over night and secondly I'm really scared that I've caught another cold as I keep coughing. Hopefully everything will be ok and I'll go and see her tomorrow as planned. I'm going to the city with my mum and my sister on Tuesday. I'll be seeing my zero best friend and lots of my other friends on Wednesday, the Halloween party is on Thursday and apparently we'll all be crashing at Eddie's on Thursday night so I won't leave till Friday. This is going to be such a busy week. But it will be worth it. As long as I don't get ill.
I hope you all have a great Halloween, don't eat too many sweets! Have a nice day!
Claire :)
Sunday, 20 October 2013
Stories
I love stories. I just think they're amazing. I guess that's why I love books so much. I love the way a story can take you to a whole other world, with different people and places. The way they can make you feel, from excited to devastated. It's truly wonderful. It's like an escape. You just kind of forget about the real world and what's going on in your life. You become wrapped up in this imaginary person's life. Worrying about their problems and feeling their emotions.
When the story is really good, it will distract you for hours. Even after you've put the book down again. All the mysteries and problems the characters are facing will echo through your mind, causing you to try to come up with solutions and plans. Making it very difficult to concentrate on your own life. You'll just want to go back to the book to find out how the story ends.
I love the way you become so attached to the characters. Feeling happy when they're happy, crying when one dies. Always rooting for the good guys and hating the bads guys. Completely falling in love with some of the most amazing characters, wishing they were real people. Sometimes you feel as though the world in the book is so much better than the real world and you'll spend hours pondering and wondering what things would be like if you were a character in the book.
But I hate that feeling, when the story finally comes to an end. When you reach the last page of the book. Knowing that the adventure is over. Your life forever changed by one incredible story. You have to go back to your own life, move on from the characters and the places in your book. But they always remain there, in the back of your mind, just waiting for you to read the book again.
Claire :)
When the story is really good, it will distract you for hours. Even after you've put the book down again. All the mysteries and problems the characters are facing will echo through your mind, causing you to try to come up with solutions and plans. Making it very difficult to concentrate on your own life. You'll just want to go back to the book to find out how the story ends.
I love the way you become so attached to the characters. Feeling happy when they're happy, crying when one dies. Always rooting for the good guys and hating the bads guys. Completely falling in love with some of the most amazing characters, wishing they were real people. Sometimes you feel as though the world in the book is so much better than the real world and you'll spend hours pondering and wondering what things would be like if you were a character in the book.
But I hate that feeling, when the story finally comes to an end. When you reach the last page of the book. Knowing that the adventure is over. Your life forever changed by one incredible story. You have to go back to your own life, move on from the characters and the places in your book. But they always remain there, in the back of your mind, just waiting for you to read the book again.
Claire :)
Jobs
I need a job. The trouble is I can't find one. Well, I've tried applying to lots of different places, but it seems that no one wants me. I would like a retail job for weekends, but most places want full time workers or not weekend workers. I want a job because I need money to buy things. I keep seeing loads of stuff I want and I can't buy it. It's getting depressing. I hate actually doing work but if I get money for doing it then I suppose it's worth it.
Lots of my friends have jobs now and I feel like I'm never going to get one. It's not like I got bad grades, I actually done pretty well at my GCSEs. Why don't they want me? Probably because I'm not very attractive so customers will run away, or maybe it's because I'm so antisocial that it puts people off. I hate talking to people. And retail means that I have to talk to people. So it's going to be horrible when I finally do get a job. That's why I've applied for places that don't get too many customers, that way I don't have to talk to too many people.
I feel like I have this list in my head of all the things I am going to buy when I finally have a job. Thinking about it makes me really excited to get a job. But there's still the issue of no one wanting to hire me. I guess I just have to keep trying till I find a company that are really desperate, so desperate that they'll hire me! I just want money guys.
Claire :)
Lots of my friends have jobs now and I feel like I'm never going to get one. It's not like I got bad grades, I actually done pretty well at my GCSEs. Why don't they want me? Probably because I'm not very attractive so customers will run away, or maybe it's because I'm so antisocial that it puts people off. I hate talking to people. And retail means that I have to talk to people. So it's going to be horrible when I finally do get a job. That's why I've applied for places that don't get too many customers, that way I don't have to talk to too many people.
I feel like I have this list in my head of all the things I am going to buy when I finally have a job. Thinking about it makes me really excited to get a job. But there's still the issue of no one wanting to hire me. I guess I just have to keep trying till I find a company that are really desperate, so desperate that they'll hire me! I just want money guys.
Claire :)
My crush
This is the story of my crush. For the purposes of keeping his identity a secret I will be calling him "what what" which is the nickname my friends came up with for him. So I started liking him about a year ago and at the time I was still with my ex boyfriend (the one who was a jerk) but then when we broke up I dint feel so bad about liking "what what". I remember, it was a week in December, near my birthday, and my friend asked one of his friends if he liked anyone and then she came straight back to me afterwards and his friend guessed that I liked "what what". Therefore his friend decided that he would tell him that I liked him. I never denied it but for some reason he never believed it.
My best friend made a joke saying that he'd be at my birthday party. He was. Not because I invited him. We were bowling and he was at the same place watching the football. This creeped me out in so many ways. Then the year went on. I'd talk to him every now and again, he started calling me "pug" god knows why though. It became our thing. He'd always call me a pug whenever he saw me and I'd always tell him to shut up and that it wasn't funny (now when he says "hi pug" I just say "hi" back I don't bother telling him to shut up because he won't). My friends always tell me that it's really obvious that I like him, so he either already knows that I like him or he's really stupid.
Anyway, from September I discovered that he's in my psychology class at sixth form so I get to spend another two years with him. My friends seem to think that he might like me back but I'm pretty sure he doesn't. He's one of those people who just talks to anyone, I have his number though but that's only because he felt sorry for me because I barely have any contacts on my phone haha. My friend Elli is persistent on saying that we "flirt" with each other, but I will continue to deny that.
So that's the story of my crush. We will never be together because he is too good for me. Plus we're like complete opposites, he is sporty and I am one of the laziest people on the planet, he's friendly and I'm really antisocial. But I'll update you if anything ever does happen. Thanks for reading, have a nice day.
Claire :)
My best friend made a joke saying that he'd be at my birthday party. He was. Not because I invited him. We were bowling and he was at the same place watching the football. This creeped me out in so many ways. Then the year went on. I'd talk to him every now and again, he started calling me "pug" god knows why though. It became our thing. He'd always call me a pug whenever he saw me and I'd always tell him to shut up and that it wasn't funny (now when he says "hi pug" I just say "hi" back I don't bother telling him to shut up because he won't). My friends always tell me that it's really obvious that I like him, so he either already knows that I like him or he's really stupid.
Anyway, from September I discovered that he's in my psychology class at sixth form so I get to spend another two years with him. My friends seem to think that he might like me back but I'm pretty sure he doesn't. He's one of those people who just talks to anyone, I have his number though but that's only because he felt sorry for me because I barely have any contacts on my phone haha. My friend Elli is persistent on saying that we "flirt" with each other, but I will continue to deny that.
So that's the story of my crush. We will never be together because he is too good for me. Plus we're like complete opposites, he is sporty and I am one of the laziest people on the planet, he's friendly and I'm really antisocial. But I'll update you if anything ever does happen. Thanks for reading, have a nice day.
Claire :)
Thursday, 17 October 2013
Self harm
This is a really sensitive subject, and quite personal to me. I know that there are actually a lot of people who are going through this so I thought that I would post my thoughts about it.
As someone who is actually currently trying to cope with self harm I understand what it's like. I obviously won't know exactly what other people are going through, as everyone has their own reasons. But I have an idea. I have personally experienced the feeling of wanting to cause physical pain on myself. I have sat in my room at 2am with a blade in my hand just wanting to end everything. I am not the type of person who is very good at talking about my feelings, especially about this, but I want to share my story in order to maybe try to help other people feeling similar.
My self harming started when I was in middle school. I was very badly bullied, by practically everyone in my year. I had no friends and I would sit inside in the classroom at break time instead of going outside because I didn't want to face the other students. I began scratching my arms, not severely. I didn't even know what self harming was back then. I just felt miserable and believed the things that the bullies told me, so I hurt myself as a way to 'punish' myself for not being good enough. This was where it began.
Once I started high school I stopped for about three years before starting again when I was in year 9. Again I was being bullied, not as badly as before but it would remind me that I'm not good enough and made me believe that I was never going to fit in or be accepted by anyone. It led to a lot of self hatred. The small, insignificant scratches became deeper scratches that would bleed sometimes. I was 13 and I had begun to completely despise myself. My parents eventually found out and tried to get me help. A woman would visit me every week or so to try to help me, but to be honest she didn't really help so I just lied and told her that I had stopped and she eventually stopped seeing me. I never did actually stop, but I went on and off for the next few years.
The next really bad time for me was last year, when I broke up with my ex boyfriend. Since he had, as I saw it, "dumped me for one of my best friends" I felt this worthlessness all over again. As if I wasn't good enough. This slowly led up to me going into practically a complete depression, or at least that's how it felt to me. I suppose I still feel that way now. Constantly hating myself and feeling like I'm not good enough so I self harm. To take away whatever pain I feel inside, to distract me from the hatred I have for myself, to feel in control. The damage I do has become worse over the years and I'm now pretty sure I'm scarred in several places. These will be constant reminders of what I felt.
I feel as though I'm too fat, too ugly, not smart enough, not funny enough, just not good enough. I hate every inch of myself. It's a horrible feeling that I wish would go away. But I know that if I want to feel better then it's going to take time. I am currently awaiting a letter that will be starting off my journey towards feeling better and ending my self harm. I am one of those lucky people who have wonderful friends and family who are there to support them. It's going to be a tough journey, but I know that in the long run I will end up feeling much happier.
I won't go into any more detail about how I feel as I don't want this to be too triggering and as I said, I don't like talking about it. If this post does help anyone, anyone at all then I will be really glad. And if you aren't suffering yourself, but you know someone who is then you need to know that you should just treat them as normal and whatever you do don't make them promise that they'll stop because it's the worst thing you could say. Thanks for reading, have a good day.
Claire :)
As someone who is actually currently trying to cope with self harm I understand what it's like. I obviously won't know exactly what other people are going through, as everyone has their own reasons. But I have an idea. I have personally experienced the feeling of wanting to cause physical pain on myself. I have sat in my room at 2am with a blade in my hand just wanting to end everything. I am not the type of person who is very good at talking about my feelings, especially about this, but I want to share my story in order to maybe try to help other people feeling similar.
My self harming started when I was in middle school. I was very badly bullied, by practically everyone in my year. I had no friends and I would sit inside in the classroom at break time instead of going outside because I didn't want to face the other students. I began scratching my arms, not severely. I didn't even know what self harming was back then. I just felt miserable and believed the things that the bullies told me, so I hurt myself as a way to 'punish' myself for not being good enough. This was where it began.
Once I started high school I stopped for about three years before starting again when I was in year 9. Again I was being bullied, not as badly as before but it would remind me that I'm not good enough and made me believe that I was never going to fit in or be accepted by anyone. It led to a lot of self hatred. The small, insignificant scratches became deeper scratches that would bleed sometimes. I was 13 and I had begun to completely despise myself. My parents eventually found out and tried to get me help. A woman would visit me every week or so to try to help me, but to be honest she didn't really help so I just lied and told her that I had stopped and she eventually stopped seeing me. I never did actually stop, but I went on and off for the next few years.
The next really bad time for me was last year, when I broke up with my ex boyfriend. Since he had, as I saw it, "dumped me for one of my best friends" I felt this worthlessness all over again. As if I wasn't good enough. This slowly led up to me going into practically a complete depression, or at least that's how it felt to me. I suppose I still feel that way now. Constantly hating myself and feeling like I'm not good enough so I self harm. To take away whatever pain I feel inside, to distract me from the hatred I have for myself, to feel in control. The damage I do has become worse over the years and I'm now pretty sure I'm scarred in several places. These will be constant reminders of what I felt.
I feel as though I'm too fat, too ugly, not smart enough, not funny enough, just not good enough. I hate every inch of myself. It's a horrible feeling that I wish would go away. But I know that if I want to feel better then it's going to take time. I am currently awaiting a letter that will be starting off my journey towards feeling better and ending my self harm. I am one of those lucky people who have wonderful friends and family who are there to support them. It's going to be a tough journey, but I know that in the long run I will end up feeling much happier.
I won't go into any more detail about how I feel as I don't want this to be too triggering and as I said, I don't like talking about it. If this post does help anyone, anyone at all then I will be really glad. And if you aren't suffering yourself, but you know someone who is then you need to know that you should just treat them as normal and whatever you do don't make them promise that they'll stop because it's the worst thing you could say. Thanks for reading, have a good day.
Claire :)
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